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Naked, smoke filled room.
Wearing an engagement ring.
Loved, so lost. Sixteen.
Naked, sunshine streams.
This is the life you wanted.
I don’t write or dream.
I might be yours,
dried grass green eyes
eating smoke walking miles
And yes you love me,
player fell down you
found a new game,
with one crazy
and cold-blooded as you.
Press my hands on your body
running me away,
and I might say I love you
but I won’t jump just yet-
I’m not near the edge,
but I hear you’ve been
waiting in the water.
I search to hold your hand
but nothing I say to you
will ever be complete
cupid shot you down, underground
And I might be yours
when the lights are dim
or when the cops get here
or if the sun shines right
and when I tug your hair
I no longer think of him as much so
I might be yours.
Let me lie I love you.
Let me lie, while I wait for you
Let all of my words fade to grey
like how a cold morning’s breath disappears into the altitudes.
And while I hold your hand,
let me listen to you
and ache for you, because
you love me like you’ll never live again
you love me like how I love him.
And while we walk,
let my mind fold the page over
to another, warmer day
when I was with him.
And since you love me
in this melancholy let me stay.
When I was ten, I told myself
I’d never bounce a check,
or light a cigarette,
or fuck a guy that I’d just met.
But something changed my mind
I wanted death for a long time,
and the day that I woke up
I wandered off those faded lines
My head unlearned to cry
I married Carolina nights
getting raped on someone’s couch
cause I just needed to get high,
Wild child wrapped in lies.
And these Carolina nights, they’re just so
mother fucking bright!
Or it’s the cop car in the back,
Oxycontin in my eyes
Hell I’ve lost my will to die,
but still to life I’ll give a pass
Drinking whiskey on my breaks,
I’ve got a rep to keep intact!
Say what happened to that kid,
wanting her name on the plaque?
Was that in another life,
sit all her dreams up on my rack.
You can tell your kids ‘bout Jesus
but don’t say He thinks you’re crap;
you better send your kids to Harvard
if you want your money back!
You’ll lose some and you’ll gain some,
Live gentle or just die young
I’m stuck in the place I came from
Just the womb that I done sprang from,
cryin’, Momma, won’t you hear me?
Thinkin’, Daddy where you at?
Oh just send those kids to Harvard if you
want a painful laugh!
Or love all their mistakes
and say you’ve always got their back,
they’ll come home to you on Christmas
instead of, on some stranger’s lap!
I know my Momma loves me but
her name ain’t on no plaque,
I just can’t see my Momma cry
maybe I’ll just go and die
Runnin’ from some feeling, yelling
curse words at the sky.
But I’m not dumb; I’m just so numb.
There’s some grey mixed in the black
I’m a poet sittin’ shot gun,
wild child in the back.
At once I saw all grey,
but now my world is black and white
This circle, wild child,
reckless Carolina nights.
I met an old man, walking dead
drunk and didn’t fit in the party
of mindless men, who were young next to him,
shooting cans, and the old man asked my age.
“Seventeen,” I lied, due to a promise I’d made
to seem appropriate.
“She’s just a baby!” he shrieked,
and sat next to me
starting at the edge of his own eyeball
and slurring at me
how his wife had just died
and he didn’t want to live
and he wept a flash flood
she was fifty six
and, and, and she was his at thirteen
and, and he
just wish, just wish
his heart would stop beating
right then, right there, where we sat.
And I was frozen far away
I know it was rude to look away
and he squeezed through every cry
that I had to promise him,
I had to, he said
“If you find that one you love, don’t ever let them get away.”
and he leapt off the stair
disappeared around the trailer with a peace sign
hanging in the air.
And shot shot, rang guns
I looked up at the man I’d been playing and pleasing
for reasons I still can’t explain.
Shot shot, shot shot
he had stood to get something and
“be right back, babe,” went away.
Shot, shot, shot, shot,
Which ring shut the old man’s eyes?
Too many shots
but just at cans, right?
Not to die?
Blue lines that trace my skin
Fill them up with oxogen
Stretch them out with ritalin
Blue lines that cover me
Tear them up when I can’t sleep
Watch it turn to red then bleed
Blue lines that caught my eye
My head is gone my tounge is dry
The beauty doesn’t satisfy
Blue lines, they’re always there
Poke and point, destroy repair
Breathing in the autumn air